The Bright Side

So today, like pretty much every other day, there was a frustrating moment.  Carson got his afternoon snack (leftover birthday cake) and took it back to our bedroom to eat it. On our bed! So cake crumbs everywhere. Making the bed was not on my to do list tonight. But the brightside is, tonight I will crawl into a bed with clean sheets. 

Having a 17 year old that still can’t wipe himself after going to bathroom, bright side is, he isn’t in diapers, he uses the toilet, he just can’t make his brain figure out the wiping technique. 

When we have nights where Carson will talk and talk till well after bedtime and we’re ready to scream, we have to look at the bright side that it isn’t back when he was like 5,6,7 and he would be awake ALL NIGHT  long! (I don’t know how the kid could go on like 2-3 hours sleep)

When it is bath night and the boy takes a good 45 minutes to dry himself off after baths, at least the boy will take a bath without a fight. He loves his baths. 

I have said many, many times that Autism is not a life threatening illness, it is life altering. Yes, my son has daily struggles, he is classified as non verbal (he does speak, but very little spontaneous conversation),  he will never have a normal life,  but there is a bright side. He isn’t one of the Autistic kids that hit others or himself, he isn’t violent, he does interact with us, he interacts with family and friends, he smiles, he hugs. He will get to grow up, he isn’t sick or have some illness that will take him from us.

So many times when thing happen, I have to look for the bright side. If I don’t it will totally loose my mind. People say all the time, I have the patience of a saint. I think if you were at my house every day you would realize I loose my patience a fair amount. I just have to walk away. I take my baths almost nightly to be able to relax and get me brain back to zen. 

There is always, always something to be thankful for, and there is always a bright side. Even when we don’t see it at that moment. 

Birth Day

It is kinda funny, I woke up around 4:30 and had to pee...17 years ago today, I woke up and thought I had to pee, but my water broke.  I wasn’t due for another 3 1/2 weeks.  I woke Bill up and said my water just broke, he jumped up out of bed running around in a panic, can I jump in the shower quick? Yes dear, jump in the shower quick. I wasn’t even having contractions, and we live 5 minutes from the hospital.  He showered and We made our calls to the doctor and our parents, and we went to the hospital. 

Like I said, I wasn’t having contractions, so Dr. Backus gave me petocin and said I will be back. I had said that I didn’t want anyone in the delivery room except Bill. But I was scared and hurting. Bill and I agreed on a neutral party to come in with us, so we called our friend Kristi. She came right up and helped relieve some of our fears and calm our nerves. We laughed, we cried.  I wasn’t able to get an epidural because the doctor was tied up with an emergency, so I did it all natural.  It seemed like forever, but really not a long labor, at 2:17 PM our beautiful baby boy arrived.  Carson James Powers was born at 6 lbs 13oz. And we were in love... we became parents.  We knew right there in then that we would do anything and everything for him, always there for him no matter what.  

Little did we know what our lives would intail, but as the words of my favorite song goes. He was perfectly, wonderfully, beautifully meant to be. 

Happy 17th Birthday, Carson James! 

Frustrations

Carson is not the only one that gets frustrated around the house. We all do. His oddities, his ways, his methods to his madness, his patterns... all things that make him tick the way he does, and we all love him unconditionally, we all still get frustrated at times. 

Like this morning, I took the time to take all my clothes off the top of the dresser that my awesome husband washed, dryed and folded, to sort them so I could put them away. I walked away and got doing something else (which happens all the time, I start 20 things because my brain is going 500 directions) I walk back to my bedroom to find a great big pile of clothes in the middle of the bed, because my piles were in his way when he wanted to sit on the bed and watch his ipad. 

This is frustrating to me. Now I need to take the time again to refold and resort. 

This afternoon, Bill asked me to step out on the back porch to show me something. We stood out there for 20 minutes or so and I come back in the house to find the pizza box on the counter and Carson eating, when he shouldn’t be hungry. 

He doesn’t like chairs pushed under the table, which causes many stubbed toes for his clutsy Mom.  

He has to have his juice in a row in his order and heaven forbid you move it!

He will get a bottle of water and pour it into a glass to drink. But before he does that he has to pull the label off and lay it on the counter. I try and try to get him to put in garbage. 

We all have ipads, Bill and I have iphones. Carson thinks he has to use them in a certain order, and take ours, even if his battery is charged because he thinks he has to use them in his order.  When he plugs them in to charge, he will stand and watch it till it gets past a certain point. 

He will pour a cup of juice and fill it to the absolute top of the cup and then carry it across the room or down the steps into the family room and very rarely spills a drop. (I would have 1/2 the glass dumped). He has gotten frustrated with us getting frustrated at him about filling his cup so full that he will not get a drink unless we are out of sight. Which means he won’t eat till he has his drink. And in the mornings time is to precious to argue so I just leave the room. Oh, and if we pour him a glass and it isn’t to his specifications, he will get the juice back out and fill it up. 

For those that think we let him “get away” with too much don’t walk in our shoes everyday. We have learned to pick our battles. If it isn’t dangerous or hurting him, there is absolutely no point in fighting it. Having a 6ft tall 170 pound young man throwing himself on the floor, bed or chair is not worth it. 

Any parent has moments of frustration with their kids. If you don’t, your not doing your job right.  I just choose to go to another room to scream or cry, vent to a friend, go stand in a hot shower and take a deep breath and move on.  Because if you think about it, how does Carson deal with his frustration...he moves things, he does his things to calm him brain down. 

Don’t sweat the small stuff right??? 

What ifs

As Carson’s birthday draws closer, I find myself thinking, crying, wishing, remembering, questioning....

What if Carson didn’t have Autism? What would our house be like? Why did it have to be Carson? What would Carson be planning on for the future? Would he be going to college? Would he have a girlfriend? What would he be doing in his spare time? Would he and Reed be best friends or fighting like cats and dogs? 

I get angry some days thinking he is being robbed of so many things that he should be able to be experiencing. At least once a week we get a brochure in the mail from a college. The make me sad and angry. They go right in the trash. It is not fair that we are not thinking about the future and college and careers. Instead we have to decide for him what we think is best for him and what we see him doing with his life. I want to scream I DONT KNOW THAT!! I mean I know I want him to be safe and protected and always have a loving and supportive family to always be here for him. I want him to be able to try things and see what he can do. Makes me wish we had a crystal ball to see what the right choices are. (I know, I know, we all wish that) 

I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I am lucky to have a healthy young man who is happy, loving and sweet as can be. He doesn’t have a life threatening disease. We are blessed and we are lucky! 

So I need to get over my crappy mood and look at the bright side. My handsome young man (and his brother) are 2 of the best things that ever happened to me, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything! 

Change

Autism Sign

Get upset by minor changes

Oh man, can minor changes cause an uproar in our house. Carson wants things to remain the way he wants and knows. Although I know he needs to learn to adapt to changes, there just are things that you don’t rock the boat. It just makes things run smoother and happier around here. 

For example:

Morning routine... he will get out of his bad and before he gets up and into the start of the day, he has to get in our bed. He will wait for Bill to get out of bed, and then he is usually in our bed within 15 minutes. And most of the time the stinker gets mad and will bounce around and grunt and groan until he gets the whole king size bed to himself.  When it is time for him to get up, I will tell him he needs to get dressed. He will come out, say Good morning, give hugs and then get dressed. After he eats and drinks his juice (that he seriously has to get every dang drop out of his glass) I ask him to get his shoes on and then closer to van coming he will put his coat on. 

Well a couple weeks ago I was distracted trying to finish an order in the morning. I forgot to ask him to put his shoes on. The van was pulling in so I said put your coat on. He came over put his coat on and I realized no shoes. Crap! So we put our shoes on, and he proceeds to go off stomping and groaning. He takes his coat off, throws it down. Picks it back up, puts it on and goes out the door. Thankfully the van driver understands things like this as there are 3 other special needs students on the van that could do same type of thing.  Moral to story, don’t get distracted and do things in his order. 🤪

Another example:

This evening when it was time for bed. Bill always says tell Mommy goodnight. Tonight Bill said tell Mom good night. Carson said back, tell mommy goodnight. They went back and forth a couple times and Carson would not come tell me goodnight until Bill said, tell Mommy goodnight. 

I have told before about other changes he doesn’t want anything to do with, like moving his juice out of his order, moving where his ipad sits, his cups in the bathtub so he can pour water in and out, the little kids taking his soft blankets (they all are his even though Santa left 4 of them under the tree this year), don’t put pillow cases on the pillow, don’t use the light in the bathroom over the vanity (only turn the exhaust fan and light on)

Change is good- but in this house, change does not work 98% of the time. 

Stuck on repeat

A person with Autism might repeat words or phrases over and over. (Echolalia)

Like Reed said yesterday, one of tbe most frustrating and annoying things Carson does is the repeating. Its like the record player gets stuck on a scratch. He will come to us and say a word or phrase and want us to repeat it back to him. He doesn’t care if your having a conversation with someone, or if your eating, or if your watching a movie.  He wants you to repeat what he is saying, and say it right. Sometimes his words are hard to understand and what you think he is saying isn’t what he is actually saying, so the frustration on both sides comes in.

You might think why do you get frustrated with that... it becomes frustrating when its multiple times a day. And sometimes its the same phrases day after day.  Like the past couple days... it’s snowing... it’s snowing. Why does he have to keep reminding us 🤪 

Try to find the humor, try to not get frustrated, it is what it is. It’s Carson.  

Sibling Love

    What I think of autism, I think autism is something everyone should experience in one way or another. It doesn’t have to be a sibling or even a family friend but you should try for a week to help an autistic person and see how hard but rewarding it can be in the end.

Now I will talk about the questions people have asked me to answer.

What do you see when you look at Carson? I see a brother that I wish I could be closer to and experience what other siblings do but I know there are people out there with no siblings at all or even parents with only an autistic kid so I know I am still lucky for what I have and i don’t take it for granted for a second.

What is your favorite thing to do with him? I know it might sound selfish but I really don’t do much with him I have a few things I do with him but not really on a regular basis.

What bothers you most? What bothers me the most is the constant repeating that he seems to do now it is fairly annoying and it is hard to get him to stop sometimes.

What amazes you about him? What amazes me is how well he can remember what he does, he can remember everything that Steve on Blues Clues says and it is crazy to me seeing how my dad has trouble remembering what he had for breakfast.

What do you think he will do when he is done with school? It may be sad or even mean to say but I think he will do the same things he does now, which is watch videos on his IPad and go through his routines but I think he will be happier when he is out of school just like every other kid on earth.