Just a Mom

From the moment that line shows up on the pregnancy test saying positive, you become a Mom. And even before you are able to meet your baby, you fall in love and want to do anything and everything to protect them.

People say that I am amazing, they don't know how I do it, that I have patience of a saint, or special kids are given to special parents. I do not feel like I am amazing. I am just a mom that will do anything for their child. If you were dealt the same hand that we were, don't you think you would do the same? Is it any different then a parent who has a child that is given a diagnosis of cancer or some terminal disease...those parents are the truly amazing people. They are the ones that have to worry about of their child is going to live or die. And those parents that have to bury their child and live on, they are the ones that I am not sure how they do it. My heart breaks for them. 

My child was given a life altering diagnosis, not a life threatening diagnosis. Yes, the life we are living is a hard life, and not a life we wished we would have, but we have a life. We have a happy boy that brings us so much joy and love.

I lose patience just like any mom. There are many times that I go take a long bath or shower and cry alone, or curl up on the couch or bed and want to bury my head or eat junk food. 

I would be crazy to not admit that I am terrified about the kind of life Carson is going to have. Can he ever have any sort of job? What happens if something happens to Bill and I? The thought of having to put him in a group home gives me major anxiety, I lay in bed at night thinking about all the what ifs. Those are the things that worry this mom. Not having to get him certain foods, or do things a certain things. 

I am just a girl that is lucky enough to be a Mom to 2 boys, and they are amazing in my eyes.