Stages

I was asked what stage in life did I think was the hardest in raising a child with Autism. I really don't know the right answer. Because we get through a stage that we think we might never get through only to come to the next stage and think oh that wasn't so hard, THIS is hard.

When he was a toddler and first diagnosed, it was hard. We were all learning. And I think to myself his poor brain and body must have been driving him crazy.  I mean they say that Autistic's senses are magnified. So imagine how you feel when someone runs a fingernail down a chalkboard, you cringe from the sound and if you do it yourself the feeling gives you goosebumps. For Carson it might sound like a air horn in his ears and felt like the roughest piece of sandpaper  on his skin. And until he could learn what these feelings, sounds and smells where doing to him and trying to figure out how to control them a little he must have been going crazy. 

We didn't sleep well, he was up all hours of the night. So when he didn't sleep mom or dad didn't sleep either. He didn't eat well and we had to figure out what he did like to eat. Because he couldn't tell us. When there were no words, just pointing and guessing it was hard. 

Then there was potty training. Another stage we didn't know if we would ever conquer. Finally got the peeing down, but he would poop in a pull up He knew enough to get a pull up but not to use the toilet. That milestone happened at 9 years old. That was hard. And we still have not mastered him wiping. And he is now almost 16. No parent wants to do that for their 16 year old. We work on it every single day. And pray that some day it will click and it will be another milestone. That is hard!

There has been the peeing the bed stage. Every night and some nights it was multiple times a night. I gave up folding his sheets. I washed them every day and put in a basket in his room so they were easy to grab in the middle of the night to change his bed. At 2 in the morning who cares if they are folded, I just wanted quick and easy so I could get back in my bed. 

And of course there were the nights that he would wet the bed and be cold so he would get in bed with us. Then we didn't sleep well with another person in our bed. About a year ago, something finally clicked and it has stopped. Once in a great while he might have an accident. That was hard.

Sending him to school. Another challenge. Trying to make the right choices of what to do or not do. Lots of trial and error. Support of great teachers and aides we have figured out things that do and don't work. Homework does not work. We have found pushing him in school to work hard, he does well, but the minute he gets home from school that is his time to do his thing. Unless its bath time, supper time or down time before bed, you best be chosing your demands on him wisely or it can cause a meltdown.  If there is something you need him to do, it generally has to be requested with a reward. Do this and you can have this...a snack, gummies, etc. Again, this was hard. 

Teenage years....puberty.... HARD 

Not knowing what is going to become of his adult years... HARD 

Every stage is hard and we get through every one, some day, some how. With lots of love, hard work, some tears and determination.